In my early teenage I was struck with the novelty behind the idea of being irreplaceable. It was simple – make yourself such, that when you leave, it is just too difficult for them to keep functioning.
And I lived by the idea! I became all that was supposed to make me
irreplaceable – and every time, I gave in efforts which to my knowledge would never be matched by any. Yes, I was determined, I was consistent and I was creative – finding a new way to make an impact, everyday.
I was everything they could probably ask for – ranging from being a clown to terminator-serious, from being being the element of joke to cracking jokes till their bellies hurt, you get the idea.
And I was expressive, honest and straightforward 🙂 Trying hard to not cause a headache. But then, I was the showman too – knowing exactly how to make their hearts beat wild.
But apparently, something was amiss.
Something was so not right. And the worst of my fears took realization – I was replaced. Like a breeze, there was someone else filling in the role that was mine.
And what did I do? Nothing. Nothing because I couldn’t see it would make a difference. Nothing because when you’re replaced, after baring your soul, after placing all your cards on the table – you’ve nothing to fight back with.
So that’s how I let them damage me – by destroying a belief I grew up with.
I am tired of being replaced. I have exhausted all my little ideas of giving love. I have learnt to believe that it’s not just the value you bring into someone’s life that they’re looking for – people, are always looking for that which you can’t give them.
What you do matters not. What you couldn’t gets counted.
And that is how I realized, that in this world full of people – how tough it is to be a human.